I’ve been following Prop 8 and the deep chasm it’s caused in society. It’s pitting people against each other and makes me glad I don’t live in California (where I was born). What is totally alarming to me is the hatred and backlash there is against the church. It stings to see a picture of our prophet with the word “bigot” underneath it.

People are protesting at our temples and spray painting our churches with graffiti. I’ve heard of nothing against other Christians who sided with us on the definition of marriage.

Today’s lesson was about Joseph Smith and I’m reminded of how his life was one of continual trial (not to mention Emma Smith!). We’re not used to being persecuted and hated openly, and it’s not to that level, but it troubles me to see what is happening.

We disagree, we do not hate. It’s not a question of having rights as a couple - relationships of family and love are and should be recognized in society (as the church says in employment, death, medical rights/issues). It’s a moral issue and we take a firm stand on that aspect.

I wanted to be at the Salt Lake temple this weekend in some ways. In others I want to avoid the clashes! In other ways I wanted to support our church.

When gay and lesbian couples legally married we did not stand in the way.  We didn’t harass those getting married or try to ruin their happiness at the occasion. This is being threatened right now to heterosexual (and I believe only LDS) marriages. There are open threats and there is open hatred (see this article for a first-hand account).

What has been your experience with this issue?

It’s a big weekend for singles as many come for conference and stay to socialize with other singles in Utah. I’m not sure what you do if you’re over 45 - but there are dances for almost all ages this Friday, October 3, 2008:

Conference Dance XXIX
South Towne Expo Center. 9pm-2am. Three dance floors- Top 40 Hip Hop, Country, Latin. 9450 South State Street Sandy. Text “UVU” or “BYU” to 83361 for $5 off.

Mid Singles Conference Dance Ages 30-45
Studio 600. 9pm-2am. 600 South 26 East SLC. Text “UVU” or “BYU” to 83361 for $5 off.

The Showdown Conference Dance
Liberty Land Fun Center. 9:30am-1am. Look for the light in the sky. 1320 North 300 West Lehi, Take Exit 282. Text “PARTY” to 83043 for more info and $1 off.

It’s time to update you on the status of the LDS singles blog crew.

Married Life
This summer we got married. What I mean is: Paul got married, I got married, and I believe that Melissa Ray got married too. It does happen (I know it often seems impossible!). So we’re no longer LDS singles, we’re LDS marrieds (I should start an LDS marrieds blog next).

I married a man who is not active LDS - it was a long journey to get there. I won’t say that is anyone else’s answer but it was where I was led.

Paul’s wife is expecting their first baby. Congratulations!

New LDS dating web site LDSFriends.com
We lauched a new version of LDSFriends.com - an LDS community and LDS dating web site. LDSFriends is free and has been around since 1996.

Looking for Writers for Utah Singles Blog
I’m still writing on this blog but I’m looking for new writers to contribute. If you’re an LDS single, and are interested in helping out, please email me at grocerybike at gmail.com and tell me a bit about yourself and how often you can contribute. Topics can be about your dating experiences, tips, insights, and gospel themes.

I’m looking for regular contributors - who want to learn how to blog or you can email me your posts and I’ll update the site. I’m also interested in guest posts from dating experts or others who want exposure to the LDS singles community.

Last night as I was leaving a family party, I was stopped by a relative who put his arm around my back and proceeded to warn me. He said that in 2-3 weeks there will be a worldwide flu that starts in China. He said we will all need at least 3 months of food storage to survive, because the flu is passed by contact. If you go to the store or pump gas, you’ll contract it. So you can’t leave your home. Then priesthood leaders will lead us to safe places that they’ve been amassing.
All who are left behind will face civil war, then WW3 will break out.  He told me I would probably think he’s crazy, and he’s right, I do. Then last night I drempt of snakes - cropping up from the ground all over. I wish I could say I was making all of this up, but I’m not. I didn’t stick around to ask who told him this - I prefer to get news like that from the prophet. Do you think he’d know about it and not tell us?
However, food storage has been a somewhat growing theme lately. It’s one that troubles me. The stats say that most of us don’t have food storage as we’ve been commanded to for years. Whenever I hear information about it, the advice is constantly changing and it all seems a bit doom/gloom. I think I’ve seen more food and water wasted in the name of food storage. I also wonder if there’s a better way to amass and store it. I have so many questions.

If you rotate your food storage and make sure it’s not out-of-date, you better buy it in intravals and have a well-laid-out plan. You must eat it frequently (except for grains, which can be stored for 20-30 years and still be useable - and that should be your basis). If you’re a single parent or single or even poor and live in small places, your home could get overwhelmed by food. Stashing food under the bed and everywhere possible makes me feel like there is no space - it’s crowded out.

Also, consider that most people move at least every 5 years. Try moving that food storage! I remember a move from Oregon - we had so much wheat that we almost needed a semi for just the wheat - which was for our family of 8.

I wish there was a communal solution - a storage place in the basement of the church which you could buy into. Or, set up space in neighborhoods or areas. Some sort of co-op that stays when you move (and you participate in one where you  live). Maybe you could buy shares and elect officers. I’m not sure. All I know is I don’t believe people don’t live this because they are disobedient or unfaithful. In fact, the families I’ve seen live it the best have large homes (basements and pantries) and tend to be more wealthy overall. I’m not saying that you have to be rich to have food storage, but that these are often families that are stable in other ways.

What do you think? What could we do better to encourage food storage? Do you think you’ll have to rely on your food storage in some major calamity in coming days? Why or why not?

How do we as faithful members of the church.

This story is sad because it shows how we can at times undervalue other’s faith or religious practices. Why? Immaturity? Strong belief in our own faith that leaves little room for other’s faith? Whatever the reason, this story about three LDS missionaries in Colorado who vandalized and made light of Catholics makes me cringe.

According to the story the missionaries posted pictures of themselves on Photobucket, incriminating themselves a few years later, after someone discovered them.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the MTC to remember how much we talked about showing respect for other’s beliefs. Even I remember poking fun of the half-buried bathtubs painted blue with virgin Mary statues in them. I have a picture of me and my companion kneeling by one with our hands in a prayer pose. This is mild compared to this story but I think it was unChristian and unthoughtful of us nonetheless.

When you’re an official representative you can do a lot of harm to the church by your example. I’ve since read that the missionaries didn’t really harm any of the shrines. However, the news was everywhere.

Last night I had dinner with a couple who are devote Catholics and they spend most of their retirement serving in the church and learning about the gospel. I was inspired by their devotion.

Sometimes I think missions keep a lot of young men from getting in a lot more trouble. They are sacrificing their life. It’s asking quite an unselfish act at a very self-centered time of life. Still, this is a story I hate reading and wish it was one of good report.

It’s only been a few hours since I heard that President Gordon B. Hinckley died. I was at a fireside and I overheard someone telling us about it when it was announced publicly to the entire group. The room went silent for several minutes. When I got home I checked the church web site, then CNN, then the NY Times. I read what my friends put on Twitter and Facebook. I learned that the Greek Orthodox church also lost their leader today, he was much younger, 69 I think.

President Hinckley is so beloved. I thought of him as our single prophet because his wife died about four years ago. I wonder how challenging it was to be the prophet without that companionship and support. I looked up Gordon B. Hinckley in Wikipedia and this is what it said first: This article is about a person who has recently died. Reading that made my heart sank for a moment.

President Hinckley became prophet at age 84 and he died at age 97. He’s the oldest prophet we’ve ever had. I wondered also how it is to keep that kind of schedule when you’re that old. But he handled it with grace. He seemed younger than he was because he had a young and playful spirit.

I’m so used to him being our prophet that it’s a little tough to believe he’s really gone. I’m not sad but I have a deep feeling of respect and honor for his work and legacy. He’s a legend. I was actually sad when Howard W. Hunter died so quickly after becoming prophet. I had a testimony of him and adored him and it was unexpected that he died so soon after becoming prophet.

The church will still run and we’ll get another prophet (Thomas S. Monson most likely) but I’ll never forget President Hinckley and the impact he had on my life.

I went to a lovely wedding reception this weekend. It was plain to see how in love and how deeply happy and satisfied the new couple are. It was affirming to me. I love to see a good match. I remember them as beacons of what can happen, to remind me of the dream of romantic love.

However, the bride’s roommates were in a different state of mind. One in particular looked more and more miserable as the night wore on. I wanted to hug her and tell her it can’t be that bad. They were not truly happy for their friend. They were jealous. They couldn’t be happy with someone else’s happiness because it only reminded them of their own loss.  In other words, they made it about them and being self-centered never made anyone happy.

Still, this isn’t uncommon and I’ve felt it in other areas of my life. I’m struggling financially and my friend calls and tells me her husband’s employer gave them a new BMW. Rather than being happy for them my thoughts turned sarcastic. I started complaining to myself about their good and my bad fortunes (murmuring I think it’s called).

I want to hear your thoughts on this. What can you do when something you so desperately want doesn’t come your way? What if it comes to the person you’re closest to? Not only do you not get married, but your friend is not going to be spending the time with you that they used to. Their life is changing and yours isn’t.

When I find myself obsessing about me, it usually signals that it’s time to widen my world by focusing on how I can contribute. I give service and see how I can help someone else. How about you?

You must listen to this video by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who studies romantic love through the ages. She says love is a universal human drive. It’s stronger than the sex drive, thirst or hunger, maybe even stronger than the will to live. She probes into why we choose one partner over another. She’s so upbeat and also smart. This is not a church talk so expect frank talk and issues that differ from our beliefs.

She looked at the brain of people who were in love and speaks about how love certainly is a drug. It motivates you to action. It can be obsessive - people think and think about the person they are in love with. People will die and even kill for love. Romantic love is not an emotion or a series of emotions like we often think of it being. Instead it’s a drive and comes from the craving part of our mind, one that takes action (one that can be addicted). It’s a motor.

I like to think that’s why sacrifice is part of love or giving, it’s because love calls us to do things and is not passive. Why? One reason is because of biology - it takes a lot of energy and resources to have children, so you have to have something that drives you past your own selfishness to being willing to take on increased responsibilities.

There are songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, and writings about love. Interestingly enough, she says the widespread, long-term use of antidepressants may undermine natural attachment because it messes with hormone levels in the brain.Here’s my favorite quote:

“Women have never been as interesting as they are now” not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable…If there was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.”

Last night it was dinner with the misfit toys (oops, I was watching Rudolph too much). Wait, I mean my new brothers and sister. We’ve managed to cobble together a nice group and I cherish them. We’re starting to feel like family almost. That comfortableness is setting in and I like it. None of the men have been married and we’re all single near the holidays. While we’d like to be married, we’re not wallowing in our singleness.

After dinner we had a white elephant gift exchange. For some reason one participant brought two gifts. This is the second white elephant gift that was truly inspired (a story for another day). I chose the biggest box and unwrapped it. Inside I found a book and it was titled, “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk.” And yes, it was inspired…because right before the dinner I had an interesting phone call.

My boyfriend of almost 3 months said he wasn’t coming to the dinner and the night before was a disaster so we had some discussing to do. It wasn’t going so well so I gave him an easy out. As in, if you want to end the relationship then end the relationship. He didn’t take it. Later in the conversation he admitted something that has obviously been on his mind for at least a month. He hates my hair, as in really hates it. He said it so forcefully I was standing outside in the cold and I could feel the tears start.

Let me back up. One day I was thumbing through one of those hairstyle books at a salon. I found a hip cut that was blonde and saucy. I decided the next time I wanted to blow a few hundred, I’d get that cut. I told my then boyfriend about it and he couldn’t get it out of his mind. Not only did he support the idea, he offered to pay for the whole thing, no matter what the cost. I thought it was a little early in the relationship for this kind of gift but he persisted until I gave in.

I chose a very expensive salon in Salt Lake since I thought I could trust them to do a good job. Boyfriend came along for part of the experience but then left. I’ll warn you now, don’t ever leave your credit card number with an expensive salon and say, give her what she needs and put it on my bill. The haircut and color alone came to $200. I was in the salon 4 hours. They loaded me up with product and billed it to my boyfriend. That made the total with tip over $400. I’m not kidding. Since he actually said he would pay up to $400 I thought I’d pay some of it and call it good.

However, my hair wasn’t the color in the picture. In fact, it was sort of orange. The salon owner, to her credit, called to tell me she wanted to redo the color. I agreed and spent four more hours the next week trying to come up with a better hue. I did have pictures and although the color did improve it wasn’t what I wanted. Not having 4 more hours to spend, I called it good enough.

The day I went to show the boyfriend my new hair is the day he just barely learned he’d lost his job. He wasn’t in good spirits at all. I very reluctantly told him how much it cost, felt absolutely horrible about it, and handed him some cash. And I took back half the product (that took guts!). I spent the rest of the day consoling him and after that suggesting cheap or free dates and pitching in. He had said he liked my hair, but it’s not true. He hates redheads and he insists I’m now one. Most people would call it blond with some strawberry blond highlights.

So that explains why suddenly he liked talking on the phone but didn’t seem excited to see each other. He really hated it that bad. I learned something too. As I looked over things I was first sad - for a day. But like usual, the sun came up this morning. I sat thinking about the whole thing and how for me, this was the last thing to break what was already showing several signs of not working out (lest you think this act of jerkiness was the only thing on my mind). Instead of being sad, I started to laugh. I laughed out loud for a while.

The book title said it - I avoided marrying a jerk. And I’m getting out of something that like my redish hair, doesn’t work. I’m single this Christmas but I’m also thankful. I could be married. I feel like this funny turn of events showed me what could’ve taken a lot longer to see and instead of tearing me up for a day - would’ve made for an unhappy life.  So if you know anyone who likes redheads, I’m back on the dating scene.

If you live near Salt Lake City, be sure to check out the weekly lunch group. I’ve never been because it’s such a drive, but some day I will live closer and go. Lunch starts at 12:15pm. Everyone pays their own way and you get to meet other singles. I’m assuming they’re mostly professionals but I don’t know. If I go I’ll snap a photo.

8/1/07
La Cai Noodle House
961 S State St
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384488/salt_lake_city_ut/la_cai_noodle_house.html

8/8
Royal Eatery
379 South Main Street
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384523/salt_lake_city_ut/royal_eatery.html

8/15
Avenues Bakery
481 East South Temple
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/41147923/salt_lake_city_ut/avenues_bakery.html

8/22
Settebello
260 South 200 West
www.settebello.net

8/29
Cedars of Lebanon
152 E 200 S
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384506/

See you at 12:15!

www.slclunch.com