Last year I attended Vivace two Vivace events. It’s a group of 20-40somethings who sit together, party and and network together at Utah Symphony concerts. It’s a great win/win for all because the symphony reaches younger audiences and people get exposure to the arts. Also, the symphony discounts tickets which draws people who may not otherwise attend.

Learn more: www.utahsymphonyopera.org/vivace | www.myspace.com/life_funkified

I recently read some stats on the group that may convince more single men to attend. There are about 1,000 members. The bulk of the membership is from 25-30 or 45-40 years old. 68.4% are women and 57.9% are single and most have incomes from $40-50K+. They’re also educated too: 42.1% have a college degree and 36.8% of Vivace have a post graduate or professional degree.

So, what are you waiting for? It’s a good way to meet women and most don’t come with a date. You can grab some food at the after-concert restaurant and chat it up some pretty amazing women. Best part is tickets run around $15 (don’t quote me on it, but I think that’s correct) and include the food. There’s a shuttle that takes you to the after-event party and many times the performers join in the fun.

Sometimes I wish more men would study something like the Mystery Method - because it teaches men how women work. Only the intent is not right. They teach men how to pick up on women. I met one of the trainers. He scared me frankly because he was too good at it. But I didn’t have to worry. As soon as he heard I was from Utah he didn’t even try. lol. I guess he knew what it’s like to try to bump up against women who believe in the law of chastity.

I had this conversation with Paul yesterday. He said he’d chime in on the subject. But, I have some rare time to write.

So why is it that women want everything to be perfect and then if it is they are afraid? Women want to know that a man really wants to get to know her before jumping in with abandon. Many relationships get ruined by lack of good rythnm. And the more inexperienced a man the more apt they are to make this mistake. And good men stay single. Then a few times of being burned and they shut off their heart and go too far the other direction (which, funny enough, women can see as a challenge but often ends bad).

Dating is a dance and in best cases it keeps a tempo that at first is fun or light or relaxing at first. It’s the art of build-up and it’s what makes a kiss romantic, a great hug, and even a close friendship. Move too fast to bear your heart and you take that away. If someone speeds up or slows way down it can get things off - sometimes never to recover.
That’s why I’m aware of the tempo right from the beginning. When I feel the rush to get close I take it as a warning to be patient. Paul told me men know what they want and when a woman is like they hoped, they can go too quickly. It’s a natural inclination when chased to run. Sometimes those women see what a good guy they let go and change their minds when their attention turns to someone else.

We can be rewarded for being mindful of the other person’s speed and timing. My friend Ted always said to me, that in relationships, it’s all about the timing.

Just like a toddler doesn’t start out running, but takes a few steps, then a few more, and learns to walk well before ever attempting to run. The same principle works in marketing - it usually takes 7 touches, interacting and building trust before a potential customer  might buy. In marketing and in life I like to be romanced a little before I’m ready to make a decision.

I had a great first date recently. I don’t think he reads this blog. I told him about my blogging addiction but he didn’t ask for the URL. You have to be careful about blogging about your dates. I don’t do it very often. I thought about it today I realized what I loved about it. It wasn’t that he was handsome (he was) or that what we did was fun (it was) or that we had a good time talking (we did). It was the way he treated me. So much respect.

He got me right off by helping me with my coat and the way that he did [gushing omitted]. He thought of me throughout our date and it made me feel special. I know men are hesitant to do some of these things. Is it fear of not being appreciated (I can get my own door)? Coming on too strong? Or, is it that they aren’t that interested and worry that by doing that their date will think they are?

All I can say is I was so impressed. I think if I didn’t get another date, lucky is the woman who does! It makes me think of what friends I could set him up with if things didn’t pan out. I mean, this is dating at its best, something every woman should experience. This was an internet dating adventure and you never know how those will go. The phone conversations did not prepare me for how great of a person he was.

I’m being funny but in honesty this date really stood out to me. I have been treated well before, and it’s one reason I love dating, but this was another level. It’s just a tragedy that he isn’t married. Imagine the example he’ll be to his sons about how to treat women.

It’s funny how with some this isn’t a problem at all, it’s how to stop talking during the movie, play, or dinner. That’s when you know it’s a good date. I remember a first date when I couldn’t care at all anything else but our conversation, even when we were doing something I normally enjoy. You can bet on a second date.On the other hand, stilted or awkward conversation can make you both look at your watch, other people, or the worst, you might get bored. I’m fine with silence but not a lot of it. I get plenty of that the weekends I don’t have dates, lol.

Avoid Talking about Past Relationships
This includes past dates, boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses, etc.

Why? You want to start off new, not drag other past hurts into the conversation. More than two is a crowd on a date - even if it’s positive. I am guilty of doing this sometimes. I need to remember that it’s usually not a good idea. I’ve had a date bring up a very sensitive issue and press about it until I was in tears. Smiles are the goal, not tears.

If you have more dates, there will be plenty of time to delve into each other’s past. You never know what is in someone’s past and the future is more exciting anyway.

I once had a first date that inspired me by his past. He grew up in Mexico and he chronicled his path to be where he is today. I was moved and inspired. I had so much respect for him and still do.

Family and Friends
Ask how many siblings your date has, if they are close to any one of them, and similar topics. I like hearing the classic family story or two (but not more than that unless they are great storytellers). Another good topic is asking about a person’s close friendships. It will teach you a lot about them.

Travel

Travel is an adventure. Hopefully they’ve left Utah. Where have they been? What did they do there? Where did they love visiting the most?

The Word Game

I love this game that happened spontaneously one phone conversation: take turn asking each other short questions. blue or red? seafood or steak? Stay in a hotel or a tent?

This game can go on and on. Play it while you’re waiting for dinner then talk about the most interesting or surprising answers. The game can get funny, interesting, or more serious. I find it insightful and a quick way to cover a lot of ground. It gets you in a creative mood too.

Career or Job

This is my favorite unless my date doesn’t have either, lol. I love talking about what I do for a living because I love what I do. If you get two people who love what they do, watch out. You may not need any more of these tips.

How They Spend Their Free Time and Weekends

Ask what your date likes to do when there are no demands. This helps you see what kind of pace and what is important. I always say what you are is usually made up on how you choose to spend your free time. Plus it will give you idea for future dates, if there will be any future dates.

Bonus flirty game: Write words on each other’s hands with your finger then try to guess what they wrote. This works when you’re at a movie or place you can’t talk. It can be romantic and funny. It’s only if everything else has gone well so far. It’s a good excuse to hold hands without actually holding hands, to see if you would like to.