I found a book that I must share. I firmly believe that if we truly desire marriage, we should work on it and study it while we’re still single. After all, we attract what we focus on and think about. This could be taken to an obsessive extreme, but I want to address it from a position of balance.

When I got married the first time I had unrealistic expectations of marriage, which is completely natural. Most of us do. Plus, I was young and still learning who I was, let alone learning about someone else. When you’re older you could be either unnecessarily pessimistic or overly idealistic about what marriage is.

The book is called, “Saving your Marriage Before it Starts.” It speaks about how attending church and praying together helps turn you & your spouse into soul mates. You need the extra meaning that having Heavenly Father in your relationship provides.

“breakdowns in communication…most occur when we urgently want to avoid the emotional pain of feeling inadequate, vulnerable, fearful, and so on. When we feel inadequate we are saying “I you really knew what I was like, you might not like me.” When we feel vulnerable: “If I told you my real feelings, you might hurt me.” Fearful: “If I expressed my anger, it would destroy you” or “If I told you how I felt, you would get angry.”

Women need this from their husbands: 1 - to be cherished 2- to be known, 3- to be respected

Men need this from their wives: 1 - to be admired 2- to have autonomy 3- to enjoy shared activities

I think these principles apply with anyone you’re close to. The book is really a practical guide to good relationships, but specifically in marriage.  This along with another favorite, “Boundaries in Marriage” should be on the list for anyone considering marriage. I also really like, “The Grown-Up Marriage.”