I learned something from Paul Wilson that I thought was so valuable that it changed the way break ups went for me. Usually I told the person as gently as possible that I wanted to end the relationship and after one talk or call, considered it over. I figured it was the other person’s job to work through the breakup emotionally. But I confided in Paul that I thought a recent breakup was difficult for my former boyfriend. He gave me some advice that I didn’t like and wasn’t going to follow. But after he explained it, I decided to try out his ideas.

When possible, let the person know that you are willing to talk about the breakup. Let them ask questions and be willing to listen. Be clear that you’re not discussing how to get back together, but you want to be supportive. You are doing them a kindness and the reward is that it provides closure for you too. Tell them you’re available to discuss it again a few more times if they still need to talk.

So that’s what I did. We had one good discussion and then an email. One of the last questions he asked me was to tell him why I loved him. That was easy! I had many reasons. His reply made me think that he understood that I meant it. I felt peaceful and calm knowing that I think he stopped doubting my sincerity. I think it helped both of us.

I hate breaking up or being broken up. Since I know myself well, I can usually tell if a few months if a relationship will work or not. Thanks to Paul for encouraging me to try his way - I wish all breakups were like this.