If you ever go out on a first date with someone who’s been divorced, I have some advice for you. It’s not polite to ask why they got divorced. If they bring it up, feel free to ask questions but let them lead. Sometimes there are nice easy answers why someone was divorced (like he repeatedly cheated). Other times there aren’t.

I find that men who’ve never been married ask this question faster than people who’ve been divorced. I can usually see it coming. Inevitably, it leads to me feeling uncomfortable and judged.  So I learned after a few times to avoid going into such a personal subject before I actually know a person. So I normally say something like “that’s usually a question I answer after I get to know someone better.”

People who have been married usually have a much better feel for when to bring up this question. For me it most often comes up over time. When you’re first divorced it usually comes up fast - because you want to compare war stories. But after a while it seems like a topic you’d rather not talk about very often.

There. Now you know and I feel like Ms. Manners.