I went to a lovely wedding reception this weekend. It was plain to see how in love and how deeply happy and satisfied the new couple are. It was affirming to me. I love to see a good match. I remember them as beacons of what can happen, to remind me of the dream of romantic love.

However, the bride’s roommates were in a different state of mind. One in particular looked more and more miserable as the night wore on. I wanted to hug her and tell her it can’t be that bad. They were not truly happy for their friend. They were jealous. They couldn’t be happy with someone else’s happiness because it only reminded them of their own loss.  In other words, they made it about them and being self-centered never made anyone happy.

Still, this isn’t uncommon and I’ve felt it in other areas of my life. I’m struggling financially and my friend calls and tells me her husband’s employer gave them a new BMW. Rather than being happy for them my thoughts turned sarcastic. I started complaining to myself about their good and my bad fortunes (murmuring I think it’s called).

I want to hear your thoughts on this. What can you do when something you so desperately want doesn’t come your way? What if it comes to the person you’re closest to? Not only do you not get married, but your friend is not going to be spending the time with you that they used to. Their life is changing and yours isn’t.

When I find myself obsessing about me, it usually signals that it’s time to widen my world by focusing on how I can contribute. I give service and see how I can help someone else. How about you?