You must listen to this video by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who studies romantic love through the ages. She says love is a universal human drive. It’s stronger than the sex drive, thirst or hunger, maybe even stronger than the will to live. She probes into why we choose one partner over another. She’s so upbeat and also smart. This is not a church talk so expect frank talk and issues that differ from our beliefs.

She looked at the brain of people who were in love and speaks about how love certainly is a drug. It motivates you to action. It can be obsessive - people think and think about the person they are in love with. People will die and even kill for love. Romantic love is not an emotion or a series of emotions like we often think of it being. Instead it’s a drive and comes from the craving part of our mind, one that takes action (one that can be addicted). It’s a motor.

I like to think that’s why sacrifice is part of love or giving, it’s because love calls us to do things and is not passive. Why? One reason is because of biology - it takes a lot of energy and resources to have children, so you have to have something that drives you past your own selfishness to being willing to take on increased responsibilities.

There are songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, and writings about love. Interestingly enough, she says the widespread, long-term use of antidepressants may undermine natural attachment because it messes with hormone levels in the brain.Here’s my favorite quote:

“Women have never been as interesting as they are now” not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable…If there was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.”