Too Much Too Soon
Sometimes I wish more men would study something like the Mystery Method - because it teaches men how women work. Only the intent is not right. They teach men how to pick up on women. I met one of the trainers. He scared me frankly because he was too good at it. But I didn’t have to worry. As soon as he heard I was from Utah he didn’t even try. lol. I guess he knew what it’s like to try to bump up against women who believe in the law of chastity.
I had this conversation with Paul yesterday. He said he’d chime in on the subject. But, I have some rare time to write.
So why is it that women want everything to be perfect and then if it is they are afraid? Women want to know that a man really wants to get to know her before jumping in with abandon. Many relationships get ruined by lack of good rythnm. And the more inexperienced a man the more apt they are to make this mistake. And good men stay single. Then a few times of being burned and they shut off their heart and go too far the other direction (which, funny enough, women can see as a challenge but often ends bad).
Dating is a dance and in best cases it keeps a tempo that at first is fun or light or relaxing at first. It’s the art of build-up and it’s what makes a kiss romantic, a great hug, and even a close friendship. Move too fast to bear your heart and you take that away. If someone speeds up or slows way down it can get things off - sometimes never to recover.
That’s why I’m aware of the tempo right from the beginning. When I feel the rush to get close I take it as a warning to be patient. Paul told me men know what they want and when a woman is like they hoped, they can go too quickly. It’s a natural inclination when chased to run. Sometimes those women see what a good guy they let go and change their minds when their attention turns to someone else.
We can be rewarded for being mindful of the other person’s speed and timing. My friend Ted always said to me, that in relationships, it’s all about the timing.
Just like a toddler doesn’t start out running, but takes a few steps, then a few more, and learns to walk well before ever attempting to run. The same principle works in marketing - it usually takes 7 touches, interacting and building trust before a potential customer might buy. In marketing and in life I like to be romanced a little before I’m ready to make a decision.
Mmmm–then I must break all the rules. Like, I just made a very large purchase, and I don’t think it took 7 “touches”, it took me 2 times looking, 1 time driving, and then 3 hours negotiating. But, I’d made the decision basically after look number 2, as long as the negotiations turned out.
Timing is everything in dating–and it’s what causes me the biggest headaches. I’ve spent my whole life “waiting” for a guy, and then, if we ever even get close to anything–I realize that I’d made my decision after the 2nd try (basically). I mean–you’re right about “being patient”–but sometimes I think we’re way TOO patient (or, dare I say, afraid). I mean, I really feel at this point in my life, that if I’m going to commit to a guy, he’s gotta commit to me, quickly and without fear. I’ve seen guys do this with numerous of my older, single friends–and seen my friends basically do the same thing. But, for me, the waiting around, sitting on my hands, biding my time, for the sake of “timing”, has often turned into a waste of my time.
So, I don’t know what the answer is. But, I do know that dating for me can’t be a “dance”–cause I like to dance by myself, or with a large group (as in, a performing group), and not with a partner. Kinda makes that kind of dating a little bit of a problem.
Comment by disillusion — July 2, 2007 @ 8:11 pm
I have seen the mystery method. I know there is some truth to it. Everyone can always get better. Honestly though, women are all different, one technique or application won’t work for all women. If your struggling to get good at something, imagine how many dates you would need to go on to get just one thing down to were a woman would see it as being natural not fake and not trying too hard! Honestly, If I was that good, and I had a certain amount of success with women…it could have the potential to alter my behavior with women. Just like women who get a lot of attention from guys..
Anyways Its still hit and miss. As long as your being yourself thats great. I found myself being different than who I am. In exploring things like the mystery method the tough part might be incorporating LDS values which many of the pick up artists are without. I have found a few minor things and matured through the process. I don’t know if it has really made any difference or not. Food for thought…what would a relationship be without any growth? Its good to be learned of man, but at what point would it be better off studying the same amount of time in the gospel?
I think its great to be aware of things that women are attracted to, but its not just the guy who may need to change. Maybe if women worked as hard as guys do internally they would feel better about themselves physically and attract more potential mystery disciples.
Comment by azide — August 21, 2007 @ 10:13 am