If you live near Salt Lake City, be sure to check out the weekly lunch group. I’ve never been because it’s such a drive, but some day I will live closer and go. Lunch starts at 12:15pm. Everyone pays their own way and you get to meet other singles. I’m assuming they’re mostly professionals but I don’t know. If I go I’ll snap a photo.

8/1/07
La Cai Noodle House
961 S State St
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384488/salt_lake_city_ut/la_cai_noodle_house.html

8/8
Royal Eatery
379 South Main Street
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384523/salt_lake_city_ut/royal_eatery.html

8/15
Avenues Bakery
481 East South Temple
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/41147923/salt_lake_city_ut/avenues_bakery.html

8/22
Settebello
260 South 200 West
www.settebello.net

8/29
Cedars of Lebanon
152 E 200 S
http://utah.citysearch.com/profile/10384506/

See you at 12:15!

www.slclunch.com

Today I gave my first talk in church in years - about tithing. I reviewed how tithing creates a bond of love with God - because sacrifice creates love. Over a year ago I was promised that if I continued to pay tithing I’d always have employment to support myself and my son. That promise was tested again and again as I quit jobs and lost jobs but always found something. At first I was almost sick with fear, but eventually I trusted Heavenly Father’s promise and stopped being so afraid. Instead I trusted.

Tithing prepares us to live the law of consecration - of having things in common and having no rich or poor. It gives us a chance to sacrifice what we have and brings us away from materialism and greed. It really is an honor to pay - it’s something we can be perfect at.

I thought it was almost miraculous that I was on time to church and clear. I spoke from my heart so early in the morning. I’m just not a morning person, although I’ve gotten better at it over time. I said a lot of prayers about that. I loved hearing the kind words from members of the ward about the talk I gave. It made an impact and all month as I knew I’d be giving it, it filled me with a thankful heart.

Today was one of the strangest first date fiascoes of my life. So a man has been writing me on and off for years. I happen to know that he sends the exact same email to several women. That was the first turn off. He lived in another state and moved here and I emailed him to say hi, welcome to Utah. At some point he decided he really wants to go out with me.

From this point he starts to text messages me sometimes 2 or 3 a day. I rarely respond. When I do I explain how I don’t know him so I don’t text message back and don’t really have the time to keep the conversations going. He writes very long emails and gets mad when I don’t reply to them. I don’t have time or interest in reading them. I don’t respond. That doesn’t work. Finally, I agree to one date. Maybe I’m wrong - sometimes you get an opinion of someone that is quite different than they are in real life. I’m fair and although I had lots of doubts I never felt like he is unsafe or other issues.

He talked about going out several days ago. I don’t hear from him for the last 2. Then today, the day we are supposed to go out things just start to go crazy. After all day of text messages, emails, and even phone calls we don’t have a set time or what we’re doing. I told him several times since he asked, I think he should plan the date.  Even if it’s just dinner at Wendy’s. I don’t really care as long as he plans it. It’s not as if I have high hopes already.

He asked me to drive half way - which presses his luck even further.  He says he can meet at 2pm. I was thinking 1-2 hours max.

The kicker he calls twice while I’m at work and leaves 2 messages. Then he texted me asking why I didn’t answer. I was in the middle of trying to resolve a stressful situation. Then I was in the bathroom. No matter to him though. He demands I answer him when he calls. So I call him about 15 mins later and he doesn’t answer.

How’s that for a lot of drama with someone I don’t even know? For something as simple as a first date.

Sometimes men who’ve never been married don’t seem to understand the life of a single parent. They live in an alternate reality. It’s one in which life revolves around them and it has for years. Life takes this slow pace and it’s all about them. I can’t relate to that.

I canceled the date. I hope not to hear back - ever.

On Sunday I went to a fireside to hear one of my favorite speakers talk - Truman Madsen. On my mission to upstate NY his voice informed me and soothed my soul. I listened to his recordings about Joseph Smith over and over. One thing he taught perfectly answered an inquiry from an investigator that I otherwise wouldn’t have know how to respond to.

He talked about the pioneers and he’s studied so much church history that these are more than just stories to him. He got choked up at the deaths of people as if he was there or knew them. In a way I think he does know them.

He spoke about some things that I will attempt to summarize, some very poignant and moving:

• He called the Nauvoo temple the sacrificial temple. It was built as a huge sacrifice of time and money. Then it was only in use for 3-6 weeks, just long enough for people to receive endowments and then get out of town before they were killed. He said that the saints HAD TO have this spiritual strength in order to make the journey ahead. He mentioned the Donner party that came across the plains and forged the path the pioneers would use. They resorted to cannibalism but not our people. He said the saints “died in each other’s arms - not eating each other.”
• He solved what I call the Sherrie Dew dilemma (why aren’t good women in the church who want to be, married and having children?). He said that when good women like her die there will be a line of good men waiting to marry her. Then they’ll go on a 1,000 year honeymoon. He specifically talked about Eliza R. Snow and her contribution but she never married or had children. Many men died prematurely in wars and other circumstances who will be around. That is somewhat comforting, but that veil over our understanding makes it so you must take these things on pure faith.
• Supposedly Mark Twain thought that Brigham Young must be some sort of womanizer - until he saw his wives. Then he said he should get a Congressional medal for marrying such plain women. I can’t find a citation here, but I did find this fun page about Mormons. Brigham Young prophesied that the Nauvoo temple would be rebuilt and that we’d have temples all over the country. A rather bold statement at the time. If it weren’t for polygamy and lots of children who knows but we would’ve died off as a culture.

Madsen also talked about temples and families. How we are trying to reunite the families of the entire world. He talked about how families were organized before the world and that on earth it gets disorganized and confusing. But Christ will bring harmony back and traumas will be healed. So the next time your family drives you crazy, remember this. It’s not a guess or by chance that you have the family you have.

One last point: Heavenly Mother - we will see her - the mother of our spirits in the afterlife.

Obviously there was a lot of deep doctrine and powerful stories in this talk. He packs a lot of information with great intellectual and spiritual impact. So happy Pioneer Day everyone! I’m thankful that I was not there but I hope that we can watch the replay. Visit the temple this month and show gratitude by helping bring families who have died apart back together.

I’m making more effort to attend firesides like this. The crowd can be a little droopy but the messages so sweet. Besides, it gives me an excuse to write more in this blog.

Sometimes I wish more men would study something like the Mystery Method - because it teaches men how women work. Only the intent is not right. They teach men how to pick up on women. I met one of the trainers. He scared me frankly because he was too good at it. But I didn’t have to worry. As soon as he heard I was from Utah he didn’t even try. lol. I guess he knew what it’s like to try to bump up against women who believe in the law of chastity.

I had this conversation with Paul yesterday. He said he’d chime in on the subject. But, I have some rare time to write.

So why is it that women want everything to be perfect and then if it is they are afraid? Women want to know that a man really wants to get to know her before jumping in with abandon. Many relationships get ruined by lack of good rythnm. And the more inexperienced a man the more apt they are to make this mistake. And good men stay single. Then a few times of being burned and they shut off their heart and go too far the other direction (which, funny enough, women can see as a challenge but often ends bad).

Dating is a dance and in best cases it keeps a tempo that at first is fun or light or relaxing at first. It’s the art of build-up and it’s what makes a kiss romantic, a great hug, and even a close friendship. Move too fast to bear your heart and you take that away. If someone speeds up or slows way down it can get things off - sometimes never to recover.
That’s why I’m aware of the tempo right from the beginning. When I feel the rush to get close I take it as a warning to be patient. Paul told me men know what they want and when a woman is like they hoped, they can go too quickly. It’s a natural inclination when chased to run. Sometimes those women see what a good guy they let go and change their minds when their attention turns to someone else.

We can be rewarded for being mindful of the other person’s speed and timing. My friend Ted always said to me, that in relationships, it’s all about the timing.

Just like a toddler doesn’t start out running, but takes a few steps, then a few more, and learns to walk well before ever attempting to run. The same principle works in marketing - it usually takes 7 touches, interacting and building trust before a potential customer  might buy. In marketing and in life I like to be romanced a little before I’m ready to make a decision.