I see this more and more. I think we live in a world that is easy to fake connectedness to other people, but tough to find it in real life. That’s because we text message, IM, and otherwise communicate and feel close. But we’re sitting at home alone!

Here’s how the cycle of loneliness goes:

1- Meet someone you like and start dating

2- Dating gets more serious and you spend almost all of your time together

3- Your friends stop inviting you to do things (assuming you had a social group before!) because you say no so you can spend time with your girlfriend/boyfriend

4- Your world gets smaller as your love meets most of your social and emotional needs

5- Something happens and you decide to break up

6- You miss them terribly because your life is now somewhat empty

7- It’s easier to go back to them than have the faith to start over rebuilding a social life (not a dating one, a group of friends)

8- You start a series of breaking up and getting back together…each time you feel lonely you call them or accept contact from them because it beats being lonely

9- You get stuck - some people stay essentially alone for months or years, not really ever taking responsibility or reaching out to build a network of close friends.

10- I think this is sad and we need to do deliberate things to overcome it.

Here are some ideas: don’t wait for someone else to do something, start right away by realizing it’s up to you to connect with others. It’s an important part of your life and health.

I joined a gym so I could hang out with other women when I exercise. I make it a point to talk to at least 2 people each time I go.

I’m organizing a Sunday singles dinner on fast Sundays for our ward. I’m pro actively trying to reach out to people that will be there regardless what happens in my dating life.

Commit to yourself to interact with others more often. Be specific and even if you don’t feel like doing something social, do it anyway. Be the first to say hello and be friendly. I love the book, “The Likability Factor” because it gives concrete ways that help you be more likable. The good news is the more liked you are the more success you’ll find in your personal and professional life.
Pray for ease and ideas when you feel stuck. Ask for help making new friends and for strength to move forward when you’re stuck in the past. Picture the apostle Peter walking on water then sinking and calling out for the Saviour. When you feel yourself start to sink, call to him.
I still haven’t been able to stomach going to single’s events…they just creep me out most of the time. However, institute classes are an exception. Since they are spiritually-based I know I’ll always get something out of it and there is not a pick up vibe there.

Does this ring true for anyone else? What have you done to move forward and break the loneliness cycle?