Have you ever seen someone who dates and dates but never gets married, even though they have a lot of great options? They date the most amazing people but keep looking. They seem to have no problem finding another person to date. Sometimes they are looking for someone to complete them, and no one will ever be good enough. Why doesn’t that work? because completing you is YOUR job, not someone else’s. You’re the only one who can do it. And it’s a pretty important job (one best done primarily with help from God and friends, not those you date).

I recently attended Landmark Forum and it was a great course in taking responsibility and having integrity in life: for yourself, your past, and your future. It was amazing. There are so many good books, classes, and resources for learning to take care of yourself. Most of us will spend a lot of our life single or be single at different times in life. Knowing that and taking responsibility for our own happiness regardless of our marital status will make a lot of difference in our quality of life.

I want to list a few lies that I hope you don’t believe. Feel free to agree or disagree and come up with your own:

• I’ll be happier when I’m married.
  At first and over the long term I do believe most people are happiest married. Part of that is because it teaches you to be less selfish. But mostly you’ll just have different problems than you did when you were single. When you’re married you’ll just have more ability to influence someone else’s happiness or misery. Why not practice being happy now?
• There is perfection out there - in looks, personality, income, spirituality, etc.
  I call this the Mormon Barbie doll approach. She’s got to have it all (in appearance) and be the next Relief Society president too. There’s the Ken version too. Real people are a mix of different traits.
• Married people never get lonely.
  Loneliness is part of being human and no one escapes it. Again, it’s up to you to reach out to other people and find connection. Loneliness is a warning that you need to get outside of yourself more.