This is the first installment of a few posts on enjoying being single. I really like what Melissa says and how she’s said it.

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Is single life a terminal illness? Or is it a sentencing to misery? I was talking with my friend, Ryan, recently, and he stated quite emphatically that he would only be happy once he had a girlfriend. I couldn’t help but feel pity for him. Happiness isn’t something that’s derived from another person; it’s something you obtain on your own. Single life is just as wonderful as you choose to make it!

So how can we be so happy single? At least three of my friends got married over Christmas break and three others announced their engagements. Are you curious what I announced? Nothing new as far as my relationship status, but instead I’ve formed a new idea of finding joy in the meantime.

I’ve been pondering lately what makes a good relationship work out—and I’ve seen that for me, much of it happens long before I even meet the guy. It’s what’s going on inside me! Healthy relationships start with a healthy view of self and the ideas and expectations one bring to a relationship.

Most important, singles must be happy before they get into a relationship, because real joy doesn’t just appear as a line-effect of dating. The reality is that sadly, many young adults like my friend Ryan struggle with being solo. Most of that is because they never learned to be happy as themselves. Self-actualization is just part of the process. It begins with understanding exactly who you are, and from there truly enjoying the person you’ve become.

The second step is self-appreciation and is where the hard stuff begins. What if you do understand yourself, but you don’t like what you see? More common than many would like to admit, this is the case. I think unhappy singles feel dissatisfied because they don’t like the person that’s represented in their mirror.

The truth is simple: whether single or taken, everyone still has bouts with insecurity, it just might be felt from a different angel. Another person greatly does influence, but there is no way they can change your self perception completely. This is a choice. You may choose to like or dislike yourself. I promise that this has much more to do with happiness than your involvement with another person.