It was Halloween night and all through the city, it seemed every college student was out partying. The streets of Provo were littered with costumed co-eds, and I was among them party hopping with Kent, Steve, and Amanda.

Kent and I had gone out once before. He was obviously into the idea of going out  much more with me in the future. I  wasn’t completely opposed, but I was still not sure about dating him exclusively.
That night I was freezing in my pleated school-girl costume. Kent lightheartedly put his arms around me “just to keep me warm.” But soon it turned into warmth by cuddling and holding hands. Although that’s all that happened that night, I was a little confused at the end of our little Halloween activities. I hadn’t really intended to cuddle with him and consequently the affection didn’t mean much to me.

I thought Kent knew that we were just playing around. But the next day he called me up–and for each night that week he tried a repeat of Halloween. I felt like I had an insta-boyfriend! That’s not what I’d intended at all!

I was also going out with other boys at that time, and didn’t know how to tell Kent to cool it. The signals I’d sent that Halloween night were telling him I was ready to start a relationship. My actions and intentions were very inconsistent, resulting in an uncomfortable situation for both Kent and me.
What I learned from Kent is that it’s not a bad thing to date around and date lots–as long as the fella is also into casually dating many girls. It’s a matter of knowing the expectations of the person you’re spending your time with. Kent and I expected very different things! To avoid hurting others or getting hurt, don’t make it a game with hidden rules. Be honest with the person (or people) you’re spending your time with—let your intentions be known.
If you’re ready for a committed relationship, don’t date around. Let that person know you’re not going out with other people to build a good foundation of trust. Otherwise, enjoy the friendships and fun that come with lots of varied dating experiences.
Also, try to avoid anything physical while casually dating—neglecting this was my fatal mistake. If you don’t, I learned that you could end up with a mess on your hands–things with Kent came unglued within the week.

Learn from my mistake to not take things too fast or give the wrong relationship signals. Play if you like, but play fair.