I’m a big fan of the Post Secret blog. People send in postcards with their secrets on them. There is a fresh batch each Sunday. Some are funny, others interesting, mysterious, or tragic. Once in a while someone says something about being LDS. Today there was one.

A mission is tough without this secret. The guilt will kill you. My friend came home from the MTC and went back eventually. It took a lot of courage and humility. My first reaction is, save yourself worse pain. Don’t go! Work on yourself first.

This New Year’s maybe we can choose an addiction to overcome (big or small — we all have them). I’m reading a book on trust. Building trust with others begins with trusting yourself. Addiction breaks that trust in ourselves because we keep repeating something we tell ourselves we won’t do again.

To rebuild lost trust you make promises to yourself and keep them consistently over time. Don’t promise yourself something if you can’t do it. Start on something smaller that might be a challenge but you can do. I also recommend the book, “He did Deliver me From Bondage”.

If you can leave an anonymous comment, tell us what you hope to overcome this year. And God speed and help you…the world is full of traps like this.

I think I’m nicknaming this series the compassionate break-up. How to break up without breaking hearts. Paul first talked about communicating, then having patience, then setting appropriate boundaries.

This is the last installment about breaking up. Each time I talk to a former boyfriend he reminds me how I dumped him. Not once, but twice. I don’t think I do a very good job of it.

Here’s Paul’s take:

Decisiveness – The principle of decisiveness lies upon a very fine line, and is often a difficult concept to live. It’s not just being decisive in your decision to break off a relationship. It’s being decisive in allowing the other person find closure for themselves.

My friend Rachel is a great example of someone who has mastered the art of decisiveness.

She dated Jim for several years. When they finally decided to end the relationship it was quite difficult for both sides. Rachel felt strongly that even though she cared for Jim it wasn’t right. However, Jim didn’t feel the same way, he wanted very much to marry Rachel.

As they worked through their break up Rachel was very firm in her convictions, and would not budge on what she felt. Yet, Rachel told Jim that even though she wouldn’t call or email him that she wouldn’t put these same restrictions on him. If he felt he needed to talk to her she would listen.

This may sound like a double standard. But I believe Rachel understood that just closing herself off to Jim after several years of being close may cause more damage than help. Obviously, this principle of decisiveness only works in healthy relationships. Rachel knew Jim well enough that she wasn’t worried about him abusing this offer.

Rachel has since told me that Jim has talked to her only twice since they broke it off. He is now dating and seeing someone else.

Tip: When ending a relationship, you may be able to stay available to the other person on limited terms. This can help ease the transition as you separate.

This is the second installment from Paul about breaking off a relationship. Breaking up is difficult for most - the one breaking it off and the one who doesn’t want the relationship to end. Here’s Paul’s wise words, from experience I’m sure.

Patience - Breaking up is not an event it’s a process. Even if you can see a break up on the horizon if you’re not the person calling it quits you probably have some emotional catch-up to do. They may not be ready or understand why the break up needs to happen. You’ll need to be patient while they come to terms with the news.
I learned this when I broke up with Becky. I had come to the conclusion that we weren’t right for each other much sooner than her. When I finally mustered the courage to talk to her about it I had already spent hours analyzing and coming to terms with my feelings.

When we had the DTR (Destroy the Relationship), Becky didn’t respond. Five hours after our conversation I received a text message asking if we could talk again.

My first impulse was to tell her that I didn’t want to, but Becky and I had been friends for some time. I knew that she deserved my listening ear. However, it didn’t take just two times of us talking to break it off, it took five. Finally, after the fifth conversation Becky was at the level of understanding that I had been at our first conversation.

Becky told me later that after our final conversation she actually felt a spirit of peace confirming what I had felt all along. She contributed these feelings to the long hours we spent trying to understand what each other was feeling.

Tip: It may take some time for the person you’ve been dating to understand and accept a break up. Hopefully, you’ll have a good ending, like this example.

The next installment from Paul talks about being decisive when breaking up.

This year I’m stuck on Cherie Call’s Christmas CD - Gift. There’s song called, Broken Hearts Like Mine about a hard Christmas. There’s a line that says, “I’m not homeless or alone or poor” and the words stick in my mind.

I have felt alone during the holidays. Sometimes it’s my fault because I break up with someone right before the holidays because I know it’s wrong. The holidays solidify relationships.

I have been fairly poor at Christmastime. On my mission we visited a man in prision on Christmas and talked to a homeless man. Sometimes in Utah we are oblivious to those in pain or without family. This week I plan to see a movie about a man who was homeless and how he triumphed (The Pursuit of Happyness).
The message of the song is an understanding Savior. “But Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine.” Jesus knows the feeling of being betrayed. He knows being alone. He understands broken hearts.
This article in Meridian Magazine hits lonliness square on. She talks about how she craves touch. I wish we had a culture that allowed for more safe,  natural, welcomed touch.

Be aware of others during Christmas. If you’re lonely find someone else who may be, and reach out. Remember the circumstances our Lord was born in. If you are lonely right now, I hope you will feel the comforting peace of his spirit. Go out of your way to seek it.

I don’t know why I never realized this simple plain thing before today. I was reading the scriptures about shepherds and it hit me. When Christ was born the visitors were representations of himself.

The shepherds came - representing his role as the Good Shepherd. Shepherds are the humble workers whose job it is to serve, take care of and watch over. “There is one God and one shepherd over all the earth” 1 Nephi 13:41.

The wise men (or kings) came with gifts. Christ has all wisdom - the baby Christ was becoming the ultimate wise man bearing gifts of eternal life with God and resurrection. The price or a cost is so high that only he could pay for them. The gifts that others bring of their finest are sacrifices honoring the gift that Jesus was going to give when he died and was resurrected. There are 3, perhaps symbolizing the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?
No earthly king can compare to heavenly kings. Ultimately Christ will be king on the earth. This is a position of power and leadership in person during the millenium. It’s like the opposite end of the shepherds because kings have glory and possessions, are rulers and have followers. They are worshipped. This is also his role as a judge. He is both the king and the shepherd but started out as the shepherd and will end as king.
Shepherds, wise men, and kings all come to visit Jesus as a baby or child. Each represents the ultimate role of the Savior for us. How I never got this before…interesting read in wikipedia on the nativity…

Today I found this on Craigslist in Provo…you just have to read it for yourself…and if you need some Christmas money…too bad I’m not much of a country dancer. He’d probably ask me for a refund.

The latest twist on a paid escort - to a single’s dance! I don’t know about you but the dances are usually pretty bad. Anyway, I hope he finds a good dancing partner.
I WILL PAY YOU TO GO TO YOUNG ADULT DANCES WITH ME!!!! - 46

No sex.
No romance.
I just like going to young adult dances to watch the honies,
but, of course, I feel out of place going alone. So, go along with me,
and I’ll pay you $50 every time you do.I like going to the country-western dances in Provo on Wednesday and Sat. nights. Just meet me in front. We go in together. Dance 2 songs (at most), then the rest of the time is yours. I’m a old dude, but I’m real cute, so you won’t be too embarassed.