My friend Paul is a new guest blogger. He’s 28 and hasn’t been married, but it’s not because he hasn’t tried. He once owned a speed dating business and hosts some killer parties. Paul is a marketer and is easy going and fun to talk to. I worked with him a few years ago and we’ve been friends ever since.

You can tell a little about Paul from this picture. It was  taken after he went skydiving. Being afraid of heights myself, I have to admire the guts. He’s smiling!
Here’s Paul’s take on breaking up, Part One:

In my experiences dating I’ve found myself, and those who have broken up with me, struggle between the balance of nice but firm. I sincerely believe that it is possible to have a break-up in which both involved parties leave with better feelings then when they began. So below are a few tips that have both helped me terminate and be terminated:

Communicate - The first girl I dated after I returned from my mission, Michelle, helped me discover my greatest frustration when it comes to breaking up—not being open with how you really feel.

We had only been dating a short time when she had decided to break it off. The only notion I had that she was done with me was that she stopped conveying her feelings.

She had decided that it was easier to let me guess why she didn’t want to continue dating than to just tell me. This happened almost eight years ago and I still don’t know why she ended it, I just know that she did.

In dating and in breaking up being open with how you feel is the best way. Relationship skills like being able to express feelings are vital to good relationships. In part two I’ll talk about the process of breaking up.

I found this list of the best restaurants in Utah. It’s not your usual clique. I haven’t been to a lot of them. If you’re looking for a great place to take a date…this is your list.

Introducing our first guest editorial writers: Melissa Ray. I’ll include a bio of Melissa soon. For now, here’s here first article. Please feel free to comment using the “comment” link above.

Imagine this: I’m out with an incredibly hot, amazingly sweet, and an all around good guy. We went to a movie and afterwards sat on my balcony couch and talked about the movie symbols, themes, over-all tone. This handsome boy had nothing intelligent to contribute! I was frustrated. Or I think back on the time that I dated a boy that was so amazing but simply unattractive.
These experiences, and many other dis-jointed dating efforts, have helped me fine-tune what’s important to find in the guy that I’ll be spending eternity with. It boils down to three simple things–I need someone compatible in mind, body, and spirit.
Mind
Is there anything more frustrating than having a conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to have anything to contribute, or to come home at the end of the day and you both want to talk, but the conversation is stuck on the surface? I’m not going to say that I’m this incredible intellectual, but I’m just not interested in a guy that doesn’t take his education seriously. I love talking to a man that’s driven by ambition and loves learning, reading, and growing intellectually. Let’s take an evening conversation to talk about more than just what we did that day; I want to talk about the war in Iraq, the geology of the earth, the philosophies our parents held when raising us, or the beauty of classical literary and musical works.
Body
I’m talking about old fashioned chemistry, heart fluttering, middle-school “I have a crush on you”, type. Okay, don’t try to tell me that I’m just being shallow about this one! In my experience, if I’m not attracted to the guy I’m trying to date it is simply cruel to both of us! I know that everyone is a beautiful person, because we are all God’s children–I really believe that–but I also know that as such, we each deserve to be with someone that appreciates us. It is necessary to find your spouse attractive! Although attraction is a curious thing that seems to grow as you get to know and care about someone, it needs to reach a point that you both find yourselves paired with another that you think is dang attractive!
Spirit
This is my number one, most sought-after trait. I cannot think of anything more crucial than to be dating and married to a man that loves the gospel and will serve the Lord above all else. I’m talking true integrity, a man that understands his role as a Son of God and appreciates mine as a Daughter of the same. It’s the primary factor because if I’m going to take a boy seriously, it’ll be with long-term in mind. In other words, I want to be with a man that’s going to be a lasting, good influence. To steal the favorite quote of Elder Hale’s wife, “Thee lift me, and I lift thee, and we’ll ascend together.” This is ultimately the type of relationship that I want, and it only comes when both are dedicated to living the gospel. It’s important to be with someone spiritually strong.

If you’re hoping to get married or remarried, this article has a list of expectations to discuss. Before you’re married is the time to start learning relationship skills. These relationship skills can help us be happier while we’re single too. Life is a practice test, you have to keep learning and practicing.
“James McNulty and Benjamin Karney at Ohio State University published a study in which they tested 82 newlyweds and re-tested them at six month intervals for four years following marriage.” (Meridian Magazine article on Marriage)

• couples who had high initial expectations for their marriage, but low relationship skills, weren’t that happy after 4 years.
  
• couples with low expectations and low relationship skills were fine.
  
• couples with high relationship skills only experienced high marital satisfaction if they also had high expectations for the marriage. If they had low expectations, they weren’t happy.
  

So the moral is to develop high relationship skills and keep your expectations high. Review a list of expectations throughout your marriage and learn to communicate well and have a good attitude about these expectations.

Datapolozza - free dating ideas and resources http://www.dateapolooza.com

The tagline is no more boring dates, but it’s more a dating directory: places to eat and things to do. There’s a list of lds attractions. It doesn’t give a lot of detail or creative ways to use the information though. I was hoping for stories and editorial comments.
I’m a big fan of planning dates out (at least loosely) but this is probably overkill for me. I don’t know that I’d put together and print an itinerary. If you’re a planner type you could probably email the plans to your date and ask for comments. I suppose if you were a power dater with several dates a week you might need this resource. It is free.
I plan dates like this (and usually thanks to being a woman, I don’t plan that many dates). I choose a place to eat depending on the personality of the person I’m with. If I want to be able to talk I choose somewhere quiet. If I’m unsure it’s a more loud, social dining experience. Then I think of my next options, which are dependent on how things go. So if talking is going well, it’s a walk on the Provo River Trail. We stop at the bridge near the Riverwoods.

I have any number of timekillers planned in case we have dead time. There are the art galleries, or the science center at BYU (haven’t done that in a long time). There’s the BYU library with a great selection of hip magazines. There are my favorite places to get hot chocolate or dessert. It all depends on who I’m with and how much I like them. You get the idea.
My favorite listing on datapollza is the list of singing telegram services. It features Utah’s Bag Lady-The Singing Mona. Now that’s creative.

Casual Thursday Utah Symphony Concert - All the Fun, with Hardly any Commitment

If you’re afraid of commitment, this is the concert for you! You don’t have to bring a date (I’m going solo it looks like). You don’t have to get dressed up or worry about clapping at the right time. The artists will talk to us before the show.

I’ve got to say that the most profound concert I ever went to was in New Mexico while on vacation. We slipped into an old church for a dress rehearsal. Right before she was on, the violinist walked in wearing jeans and picked up her violin. It was astoundingly beautiful. I was actually in tears!
Ok, so you don’t have to eat sushi, but if you join us for dinner, it’s one of your options. If you’re coming straight from work like I will, join us for dinner at the Mikado at 6pm (you must RSVP because they can only accomodate 50).
I love live classical music for the relaxation of it. And remember this is Brahms, the guy who wrote the first lullaby. It’s quiet, there are no distractions (except for the occassional cough). You sit still and listen to something beautiful being created in real time. It’s not as expensive an hour massage - but just as soothing and it costs less — even with dinner.

Apparently, it wasn’t always like this. If you read the article I linked to above, you’ll learn how famous artists played in homes, with people eating, talking, and clapping whenever they felt like it. Well, it’s not quite that relaxed, but you can email Sarah Chang a question you’d like her to answer at SClark@utahsymphony.org.

This Thursday November 11 - Casual Thursday with Violinist Sarah Chang
Abravanel Hall, starts early at 7:30pm - ends by 8:45pm

Vivace tickets are $15 (a 50% discount for Vivace members) | Sarah Chang, violin | Scott Yoo,
conductor | Brahms’s Violin Concerto | Cotton’s Lyra

Leave the stuffy work clothes behind & enjoy the Symphony in an entirely new way:

• Experience classical music without pretensions
• It’s shorter than the usual concert
• Listen to Sarah and Scott talk about the music before they perform it
• They’ll even answer questions from the audience
• Clap whenever you want, wear whatever you want
• Mingle with the musicians in the lobby following the performance
• Click here for more info about Casual Thursday

Call 533.NOTE (6683) and mention Vivace to get your 50% discount
If you want to sit in the Vivace section, make sure that you mention Vivace when you call/visit and clearly state
that you want to sit with Vivace, or you might not end up in the right place.
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Pre-concert Vivace dinner @ Mikado, 6pm (located at 67 W 100S)
Because this is a work day, we are not having the traditional Vivace after-party. Instead,
there will be a pre-concert dinner at Mikado starting at 6pm. Show up at 5:30pm to mingle.
The dinner is an additional $20 charge. We can only accept 50 reservations. Please reply
to this email to RSVP for dinner.

The $20 per person dinner at Mikado includes:

• Option 1: soda/water, miso soup, salad, one 8-piece Playboy roll, one 4-piece
  California roll, and 5 pieces of Nigiri (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, octopus, and shrimp)
• Option 2: soda/water, miso soup, salad, & a choice of a cooked chicken or salmon entre
• You’ll pay the $20 fee for dinner when you enter the restaurant
• Alcohol is pay-as-you-order
• Please reply to this email to RSVP for the dinner. The first 50 who reply get a spot.

After-party in the Abravanel Hall lobby:
Join Sarah Chang, Scott Yoo, & several orchestra members for an after-party in the Abravanel
Hall lobby following the concert! There will be light refreshments. This party is open to all ticket
holders for that evening’s concert, so it is not exclusive to Vivace members.
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I voiced my opinion, I got recruited to help. Yes, I’m joining the board of Vivace to make some good friends and to get to the symphony more often. Hope to see you there.

I found a new blog tonight by Will Head. Will was divorced and a single dad for 10 years. He talks about being joyfully single. Unfortunately he hasn’t written very often (he is married now, so he’s probably thinking more about being joyfully married these days).

What he has written is insightful. I’m impressed that his book has a list of 300 books that have significantly influenced his life. I love reading and want to see what’s on the list. I think I’ll start my own list so I have them in one place (you know, in case I ever want to write a book, lol). However, I think my list might top 20, not even close to 100.
What makes you happy? What have you done to find happiness in your life? Do you think being single makes it harder or easier to be happy?

Will talks about having good health as a basis for being happier. I need to excercise more regularly. That is going to be my next goal. I hear we’re getting Gold’s memberships at work, so that should help…