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On the right side under “Pages” there is a link to the calendar page. You can view everything that’s going on there.

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It comes as no news to you that dating in your 20s and dating in your 30s and up are two very different senerios. Especially in the church. Of course in college you have time and a constant supply of new faces who are usually your age and single. Then you go to single’s wards where again, a bunch of people in your situation. But once you get to your 30s life has gotten a bit more complicated. You have a career, more serious church responsiblities. You’ve figured yourself out more. You may be a single parent. It goes on & on.

Here it is in a nutshell: After 30 you just have to try harder. If you don’t you may just have a harder time meeting people to date. Sure, it’s much easier to stay home (you’re tired from a day’s work).

I find the biggest difference between dating in your 20s and then in your 30s and up is time and effort devoted to dating. Most people start giving up. They have more going. They have other priorities. They get discouraged.

If we don’t have a single’s ward to bring us together what are we going to do? Don’t leave the activities to those who don’t have real jobs or much of a life. If you want to date and eventually get married, you’re going to have to be proactive. That means showing up.
My strategy when I go to events is to make at least one new friend. If I do that, it’s a success. If I have another girlfriend to pal around with, great. When I do go to single’s events I try to be outgoing. This month I’m going to the Utah Symphony group. I started attending an institute class. If I don’t keep it up, I notice many of my single friends have gotten married or moved. So it’s got to be more than a few tries.
So the message of my post (to me and to you) is to not be apathetic. Keep a good attitude. Be actively involved in meeting other singles. We live in Utah and just by virtue of that we have a lot more opportunity with less effort. Don’t waste it.

Tonight I added a page to the blog called LDS Singles Wards and Institute Classes. Please email me at grocerybike at gmail.com if you have anything to add. I’ll take a picture of the institute class I attend so you’ll have some idea what it’s like.

Please email me any events, photos, ideas, suggestions and/or comments. Also, please help spread the word and tell your friends about this site!

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Coming next: spotlights on some great women.

It’s not what a parent dreams of when they send their son off on a mission after years of hope and preparation. What Do Parents Do When Their Son Comes Home Early From His Mission? Hint: it doesn’t involve criticism or judgement.

I was reading this article in Meridian Magazine today about parents reaction when their son comes home early from his mission. You know it’s a painful subject when the author’s name is omitted (like those anonymous Ensign articles). I had to contrast this with the article I posted yesterday. This article has something to teach us about our intentions and our hearts.

I believe the Lord is far more loving and mericiful than we often believe or remember. Yes there is repentence, and our choices do matter, but the Lord is more understanding, patient, and loving, than others can be. That’s why He lives to hear our soul’s complaint. He knows soul’s complaints.

There are great lessons in this article. The best is the dad’s spiritual promptings about the scriptures. I love what he shared (you’ll have to read the article).
Two ideas are worth noting:

• Christ asks us to continue to repent and to love
• Christ doesn’t expect or require the same things from all of us. We have to be in touch with the spirit to know what His will for us is. It may be different than we expect or what other’s understand. Thankfully we only have to answer to Him.

Finally a quote from the article: Our ultimate positioning in Christ will not be found in the thickness or impressiveness of our church résumé, but in the ways that we continue to repent and love.

I hope you’ll find the message of this article as sweet as I did. I’m thankful they wrote about this personal experience. They are such good examples. Their reaction I’m sure inflenced the outcome of their son’s life and feelings about his mission.

Look at the fruits (or results) of two ways of handling difficult situations. One estranged family members from each other (decreased love). Another brought spiritual insight and growth (increased love). I hope in any charged situation we might be in with people we love we decide to take the problem to the Lord and respond in a positive way.

Now this one is odd. A couple in Monitcello Utah are charged with kidnapping their 21 year-old daughter in an attempt to stop her temple marriage. Apparently they didn’t like their daugher’s fiancee. So they told her they were going to pick up her wedding dress. Instead, they drove her to Colorado and tried to talk her out of the marriage. She finally agreed never to see him again. It didn’t work. Three days later she married him anyway in the Salt Lake temple. Her parents did not attend.

What a tragedy. Even if you feel your son or daughter is making a big mistake, manipulation and high pressure tactics are not ever okay. Plus, they don’t work. In this case, the parents could be convicted, so it’s also illegal.

There is this thing called free choice. You can use it to mess up your life if you choose to. Anyway, the tragic thing is that she’ll probably need her family (esp. if her parents are right and it the marriage is bad news). Now they’re alienated from each other.

Sometimes I think parents forget that their children, no matter what age they are, must answer for their own choices. You can’t live life for them. Sounds like they need to read the Boundaries book (written by same authors who wrote Boundaries in Dating, Boundaries in Marriage, and Boundaries with Kids).

I attend a singles institute class in Orem each week. I really look forward to it every week. It’s a time when I know I’ll learn and feel the spirit. The teacher is incredible. He’s very real and knows church history and all of the scriptures very well. I’m always amazed at his ability to recall obscure information from church documents and talks.

There are only about 10 people who attend for some reason. It’s an older crowd. I’m probably the youngest one there.

Thursday nights 7-8:30pm
Mountain View Seminary Building (just south of Mountain View High School)
about 400 West Center Street, Orem

I hope to see some of you there!

Anyone Want to Date Lance?

He’s handsome. He’s accomlished. He’s available. He has the guts to let his friends make a web site and put up a billboard about his singleness. Got to admire the guts. He’s got the checklist. Lance is 31 but wants a bunch of kids (8). So he’ll probably have to marry young. That requirement ruled me out entirely for marriage potential. It looks like that’s the main objective. Anyway, Lance has got to make up for some lost time. Maybe you could help him out. I keep thinking my friend Kirsten should apply.
I think I applied over a year ago and he is still single. He didn’t choose me, but maybe he’ll choose you. The book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping talks about how you should go out with almost anyone at least once. I admit I don’t always stick to that (could get expensive in time and money) but generally speaking I try to be open-minded.

Have you been out on a date with Lance? How did it go? We want to hear about it. Comments will be edited as appropriate to make sure they don’t reveal too much personal information.

Click here to go to the Date Lance web site.

p.s. I need to interview some women. Please let me know if you’re interested. I won’t print your last name.

Have you ever read a book with a guarantee? Well this one has it. “Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back.” I predict that no one has returned the book. It’s so valuable — even if you don’t date. It was written by Dr. Henry Cloud who is a Christian. It quotes from the Bible and is based on gospel principles. It has influenced a lot of my dating philosophies.

Dating is NOT about marriage

Dating is about learning about other people, what you like, to have good experiences, and to love and serve others. Take the pressure off dating as a one-way street to marriage. Focus less on what you want to have. Instead think more about what you can give.

Real Life Example
I was endeared to this book when a friend of mine felt led to it. I already loved the series on Boundaries he co-wrote. This friend wasn’t dating a lot even though she’s very attractive, smart, and talented woman in her late 30s. She practiced what she read in this book. She started to get asked out a lot. In fact, it could get annoying sometimes. I couldn’t be in the car with her for long before her cell phone rang. Another date. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it.

If you have read or do read this book, please comment on what you learned from it. Did you start dating more? How did it change your perspective? If you’re like me I believe we do a great job of stating why we should get married. Not enough practical “how-to” for my taste though. This book fills that gap well. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

You can also listen to How to Get a Date Worth Keeping or Boundaries in Dating (this link is for 2 free downloads)  on your ipod, itunes, or mp3 player. They’re both on Audible (my favorite bookstore for buying audio books). Or you can usually get them for a good price on Amazon, especially if you don’t mind them being pre-owned.

While I’m on the subject of dating, this book, Boundaries in Dating is by the same authors who wrote How to get a Date Worth Keeping. It teaches a lot of gospel principles but in a different language. Again, it quotes from the Bible and is Christian. It’s just refreshing because it give more practical information, which I like. Think of it as a How To date like a Christian guidebook.
Some gems: “Don’t demand perfection in him or yourself. Instead, require righteousness. A righteous person stays connected to God, his source. But when he slips and falls, he will take correction well and will reconnect himself back to God.”

A sample of chapter headings:
Require and Embody Truth
Don’t Fall in Love with Someone you wouldn’t be Friends With
Don’t Ruin a Relationship out of Lonliness
Set Appropriate Physical Limits